Just How I'm Feeling at the Time

I haven't posted in a while because I didn't have anything to say.  It's not that I didn't have anything happen I just didn't know how to say it.  It's like I lost my voice, my will, my fight.  My fight made me who I was.  It made me strong and fearless, now I feel like a shell of my former self.  I used to love who I was and celebrate the greatness that was me, but now I feel lackluster and unsure.  I used to be happy.  I'm miles from anyone I love and my heart feels even further.  I just want me back.  The old, carefree me.  The me that could smile and not worry and not work and obsess through all hours of the night.  I'm going to find her and find happy.  No actually I'm going to find joy.  To be happy I have to have something happening.  If I have joy no one can take that away.