Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Dear Future Husband
I saw Angela Simmons write a similar letter on her blog and I just knew I needed to write one too. I just have some things to say.
Dear Future Husband,
I'm tough, but just on the outside. I'm really fragile and I break easily so handle with caution. Just know that I want to love. I want to love deeply and recklessly. My intentions are pure, but I am plagued by the ghosts of love past that have warped and distorted my ability to love. I carry with me all the hurt and pain from my past that I'm working so hard to let go, but I am a work in progress. Somewhere along the way I lost the ability to trust. To hope. To believe. and I know this won't help us on our journey, but I need you to help me overcome for us. We are meant to be and no lie or half-truth of my past will break up that which God has ordained.
I know that love endures all things, so with it between us we will be just fine. I know that you will love me completely and holistically, unlike those in my past who have loved with their minds for the prize of my body. We won't be together because it's the easy thing to do we will stay together because of the emotion we both get whenever our eyes meet. We won't become complacent, but we will always acknowledge and appreciate our love for one another. There is nothing we can't do. I believe in us. I know it won't be a fairy tale but I also know that what we will feel for one another will never be replaced.
You are the only one who understands me. You send me flowers just because it's Tuesday. You know me better than I know myself. You see through all my games, facades, and inconsistencies. You see my potential. You know what I have the ability to do and who I have the ability to be and you are willing to work to make sure I become this person. You love me with every fiber of your being, and I, you. You love me through my hurt, pain, and circumstance. You are compassionate and understanding. You are patient. Your love heals all wounds. Everything I lack you have and everything you lack I have. We're a perfect pair.
You put me first. Well actually I come second only to God. No one else is as important as our union. You are faithful and always honest. You tell me what you think, what you feel, and what I need to hear even if it might not be the easiest for me to confront. You feel incomplete without me and I feel the same about you. I want the best for you no matter what. You have my unwavering support and die hard admiration. I will love you always and forever. Whoever you are...
xoxo,
Shaterra
Dear Future Husband,
I'm tough, but just on the outside. I'm really fragile and I break easily so handle with caution. Just know that I want to love. I want to love deeply and recklessly. My intentions are pure, but I am plagued by the ghosts of love past that have warped and distorted my ability to love. I carry with me all the hurt and pain from my past that I'm working so hard to let go, but I am a work in progress. Somewhere along the way I lost the ability to trust. To hope. To believe. and I know this won't help us on our journey, but I need you to help me overcome for us. We are meant to be and no lie or half-truth of my past will break up that which God has ordained.
I know that love endures all things, so with it between us we will be just fine. I know that you will love me completely and holistically, unlike those in my past who have loved with their minds for the prize of my body. We won't be together because it's the easy thing to do we will stay together because of the emotion we both get whenever our eyes meet. We won't become complacent, but we will always acknowledge and appreciate our love for one another. There is nothing we can't do. I believe in us. I know it won't be a fairy tale but I also know that what we will feel for one another will never be replaced.
You are the only one who understands me. You send me flowers just because it's Tuesday. You know me better than I know myself. You see through all my games, facades, and inconsistencies. You see my potential. You know what I have the ability to do and who I have the ability to be and you are willing to work to make sure I become this person. You love me with every fiber of your being, and I, you. You love me through my hurt, pain, and circumstance. You are compassionate and understanding. You are patient. Your love heals all wounds. Everything I lack you have and everything you lack I have. We're a perfect pair.
You put me first. Well actually I come second only to God. No one else is as important as our union. You are faithful and always honest. You tell me what you think, what you feel, and what I need to hear even if it might not be the easiest for me to confront. You feel incomplete without me and I feel the same about you. I want the best for you no matter what. You have my unwavering support and die hard admiration. I will love you always and forever. Whoever you are...
xoxo,
Shaterra
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
A Day in the Life 12.28.10
Monday, December 27, 2010
Outsider Looking In
I know this girl. Her name is Erika (name has been changed to protect the not so innocent), and she talks to me about her relationship all the time (and she doesn't mind that I'm writing about her). She's in love. Not the love that sounds nice where all appears to be well. She's in that deep, head over hills, cliche, put up with the stuff that pisses her off type of love. And he loves her back, but he loves in a different way. It's not that he loves her any less, his love is just manifested in a different way. He's affectionate. Sometimes. He tells her how he feels. Sometimes. He treats her like a princess. Most of the time. For the most part she's happy. She wouldn't trade places with anyone, but like most women there are some things she would tweak, but at least she realizes how good she has it. She appreciates him and everything he is to her. But one thing tends to nag and nag and Erika said it's close to eating her alive. She doesn't want to let it bother her, but it does.
She's dated him for a while and she feels like an outsider looking in on his life when it comes to family.
It's not that she even needs to be included always, but its like she's always kept separate, in her own compartment, and only really brought out when there's no one else around. And she doesn't think its done on purpose or done maliciously its just done. She doesn't seem to want much, just to be included. Maybe it's because she wants a future and a family with this young man or maybe it's because she loves him so much, but no matter what it is she knows that she hates feeling like an outsider. For once she wants to truly feel apart of him, his family, and the most important aspect of his life. I want to help her, but I just don't know how...
She's dated him for a while and she feels like an outsider looking in on his life when it comes to family.
It's not that she even needs to be included always, but its like she's always kept separate, in her own compartment, and only really brought out when there's no one else around. And she doesn't think its done on purpose or done maliciously its just done. She doesn't seem to want much, just to be included. Maybe it's because she wants a future and a family with this young man or maybe it's because she loves him so much, but no matter what it is she knows that she hates feeling like an outsider. For once she wants to truly feel apart of him, his family, and the most important aspect of his life. I want to help her, but I just don't know how...
My Day in 6 Words 12.26.10
I feel asleep before I got to do this so here's my entry for yesterday:
Nostalgic. Fun. Aggravating. Lazy. Empty. Contradictory.
Nostalgic. Fun. Aggravating. Lazy. Empty. Contradictory.
A Day in the Life 12.26.10
My photo from Sunday, December 26, 2010. Me and my grandma. I love her to pieces (and I did her makeup!)
Saturday, December 25, 2010
My Day in 6 Words 12.25.10
Celebratory. Bittersweet. Fulfilling. Entertaining. Relaxing. Thought-Provoking.
101 Goals in 1,001 Days
So I'm doing it. All in the name of progress. I chant this little mantra all the time, "Growth. Not Recession," but when I stop to think about it, what am really doing in order to grow or advance. In all actuality, nothing. That stops today. December 25, 2010. I am setting 101 goals. BIG goals. The will be both ambitious and feasible, and on September 21, 2013 I will be able to say I've accomplished these goals and I will be a change person because of it. They will be measurable and I will make sure I do so every step of the way so here comes my master list...
101 Goals in 1,001 Days
Health
Entertainment
8. Watch the 100 Best Movies of the Decade
The Wrestler. Coraline. Shrek. Mean Girls. Ratatouille. Zodiac. The 40-Year-Old
Virgin. Knocked Up. Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. Meet the Parents. Superbad.
Napoleon Dynamite. Finding Nemo. Superbad. Coraline. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Bad Santa.
9. Re-read the entire Harry Potter series
10. Listen to three artists' albums in a genre outside of my comfort zone
11. Visit the library once a month
12. Go to a book signing or an author's discussion
13. Attend 5 Concerts
1. Trey Songz 12.14.12
2. Rihanna (Coming Soon 5.4.13)
3. King Bey (Coming Soon 7.25.13)
4. Legends of Summer (Coming Soon 8.5.13)
14.Sing kararoke at a kararoke bar (Done 1.13.13 w/ my LS on Founder's Day)
15. Go to a comedy show
16. Attend two professional football games
1. Ravens v. Texans 10.16.11 (Got Field Passes from TFA!)
17. Attend two professional baseball games (besides the Cardinals)
18. Attend two professional basketball games
1. Game 6 of the NBA Finals in Miami....Amazing! Even though my Heat lost :(
19. Attend one professional hockey game
20. Learn to play chess
21.Learn how to play Madden on PS3 (learned all the basic rules...honing my skills now)
22. Read Vogue from cover to cover every month
23. Subscribe to Black Enterprise
24.See a musical (Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark 1.15.11)
25. Go to the taping of a show with a live studio audience
26. Read 19 or more "Must Read" Books (1 per month)
1. The Help (LOVE)
2. Total Money Makeover
3. The Hunger Games
4. Mocking Jay
5. Catching Fire
27. Watch 25 movies from IMDB's top 250 list
1. Forest Gump
2. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Pt. 2
3. Lion King
4. Some Like it Hot
5. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
6. Toy Story
7. Hotel Rowanda
8. The Truman Show
9. Ratatouille
10. The Help
11. The Dark Knight Rises
Education
Finances
35. Save $10,000
Keep detailed records of finances (Started on www.mint.com 12.31.10 to track)
38. Establish a 12 month emergency fund
39. Raise my credit score
40. Get a safety deposit box
Self-Improvement
41. Take a photography class
42. Take a cake decorating class
Food
52. Bake at least once a week
53. Learn to cook (like really cook)
Life
59. Stop all use of swear words and foul language
60. Create a dream journal
61. Correspond (in some form) with my long distance friends at least once a week
(Group Business calls every tuesday!)
62.Take an all-girls vacation to some beach somewhere
(Done Florida w/ BBB! 8.12.13!)
63. Write 8 Chapters of my own book
64. Create 57 YouTube v-logs
65. Call my grandmothers once a week
66.Go to Las Vegas and enjoy Las Vegas
(Done! 8.19.11 With some of my favorite women! Gotta go again!)
67.Buy two pair of Christian Louboutins (Done and Done)
68. Buy property
69. Send out personalized Christmas Cards
70. Write personal handwritten Thank You Notes whenever appropriate
Career
88. Create 3 products for my beauty line
89. Take steps to legitimize Beauty and the Chic as a real company
90. Get my own business cards
91. Make my company website
For Others
92. Send 10 just because gifts
93. Complete 500 hours of community service
94. Donate on Kiva.com
95. Help fund a project on Donorschoose.com
96.Donate 1000 grains of rice to freerice.com (Done 1.23.11---Now Working Toward 10,000)
97. Discard/Donate 25% of my clothes
100. Review/update this list once a month
101. Make a new list when this one is finished
Here we go...
101 Goals in 1,001 Days
Health
- Loose and keep off 20 pounds
- Run 1 half-marathon
- Run a mile in under 9 minutes
- Do less chemical processes to my hair
- Start wearing my real hair
- Brush teeth three times a day
Upgrade to the Weight Watchers online tracker(Done 1.12.11)
8. Watch the 100 Best Movies of the Decade
The Wrestler. Coraline. Shrek. Mean Girls. Ratatouille. Zodiac. The 40-Year-Old
Virgin. Knocked Up. Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. Meet the Parents. Superbad.
Napoleon Dynamite. Finding Nemo. Superbad. Coraline. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Bad Santa.
9. Re-read the entire Harry Potter series
10. Listen to three artists' albums in a genre outside of my comfort zone
11. Visit the library once a month
12. Go to a book signing or an author's discussion
13. Attend 5 Concerts
1. Trey Songz 12.14.12
2. Rihanna (Coming Soon 5.4.13)
3. King Bey (Coming Soon 7.25.13)
4. Legends of Summer (Coming Soon 8.5.13)
14.
15. Go to a comedy show
16. Attend two professional football games
1. Ravens v. Texans 10.16.11 (Got Field Passes from TFA!)
17. Attend two professional baseball games (besides the Cardinals)
18. Attend two professional basketball games
1. Game 6 of the NBA Finals in Miami....Amazing! Even though my Heat lost :(
19. Attend one professional hockey game
20. Learn to play chess
21.
22. Read Vogue from cover to cover every month
23. Subscribe to Black Enterprise
24.
25. Go to the taping of a show with a live studio audience
26. Read 19 or more "Must Read" Books (1 per month)
1. The Help (LOVE)
2. Total Money Makeover
3. The Hunger Games
4. Mocking Jay
5. Catching Fire
1. Forest Gump
2. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Pt. 2
3. Lion King
4. Some Like it Hot
5. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
6. Toy Story
7. Hotel Rowanda
8. The Truman Show
9. Ratatouille
10. The Help
11. The Dark Knight Rises
Education
28. Improve my Spanish
29. Take a beginner French class
30. Visit 5 museums
1. American History Museum to the Kinsey Collection 3.11
2. Reginald F. Lewis Museum of Maryland African American History and Culture
1. American History Museum to the Kinsey Collection 3.11
2. Reginald F. Lewis Museum of Maryland African American History and Culture
31. Learn about feng shui
32. Graduate from Johns Hopkins with a MS in Education (May 2012)
33. Search for doctoral programs
34. Add a new word to my vocabulary every week
Finances
35. Save $10,000
36. Pay off ALL Credit Card Debt
37. 38. Establish a 12 month emergency fund
39. Raise my credit score
40. Get a safety deposit box
Self-Improvement
41. Take a photography class
42. Take a cake decorating class
43. Become a certified makeup artist
44. Become a licensed cosmetologist
45. Find a career that evokes passion
46. Be less negative. Look at the bright side more often
47. Complete morning devotion for 10 minutes at least three times a week
48. Write 10 handwritten letters to people in my life telling them how important they are to me
49. Find a local church home (New Psalmist Baptist Church! YAY!)
50. Learn to paint
51. Learn figure drawing for fashion design
52. Bake at least once a week
53. Learn to cook (like really cook)
54. Try 15 new restaurants
Brooklyn Diner- Times Square, sort of small, but good food! 1.15.11
iCi-Fresh, Seasonal, Local Food in Brooklyn (LOVED IT) 1.16.11
The View-Rotating Restaurant in Times Square (Great!) 1.16.11
B.O.P.-Award winning pizza in Fells Point. Good stuff! 1.28.11
Atwater's- Fresh food restaurant who's menu changes each day (really good) 2.3.11
Max Brenner's- Chocolate, Chocolate, CHOCOLATE (LOVEEEE) 2.5.11
Roscoe's Chicken and Waffle's- It was ok....not all it is hyped to be 2.20.11
Ms. Shirley's- BOMB.com breakfast food!!! 4.16.11
The Cup- Not a real restaurant but I just had to include it...Cupcakery in The CWE in St. Louis...GREAT!!!
Tortilleria Sinaloa- Restaurant in Fell's Point. I blindly bought a Groupon...sad I did. These tacos were
fresh but nothing special AT ALL. 5.1.11
Pappa's Seafood- Best CRABCAKES!!!!!!! 5.5.11
Chocolatea- A quaint cafe with coffee and tea and good food in Charles Village near Johns Hopkins. Nice
study place w/ free wi-fi too!!
Chickie & Pete's- Bomb Fries with special seasoning....too good! 5.13.11
Oybryckys- First experience with actual whole crabs...not too bad! 6.11.11
Cafe Estelle- Great Breakfast and Brunch in Northern Liberties...a cute section of Philly 7.17.11
Brooklyn Diner- Times Square, sort of small, but good food! 1.15.11
iCi-Fresh, Seasonal, Local Food in Brooklyn (LOVED IT) 1.16.11
The View-Rotating Restaurant in Times Square (Great!) 1.16.11
B.O.P.-Award winning pizza in Fells Point. Good stuff! 1.28.11
Atwater's- Fresh food restaurant who's menu changes each day (really good) 2.3.11
Max Brenner's- Chocolate, Chocolate, CHOCOLATE (LOVEEEE) 2.5.11
Roscoe's Chicken and Waffle's- It was ok....not all it is hyped to be 2.20.11
Ms. Shirley's- BOMB.com breakfast food!!! 4.16.11
The Cup- Not a real restaurant but I just had to include it...Cupcakery in The CWE in St. Louis...GREAT!!!
Tortilleria Sinaloa- Restaurant in Fell's Point. I blindly bought a Groupon...sad I did. These tacos were
fresh but nothing special AT ALL. 5.1.11
Pappa's Seafood- Best CRABCAKES!!!!!!! 5.5.11
Chocolatea- A quaint cafe with coffee and tea and good food in Charles Village near Johns Hopkins. Nice
study place w/ free wi-fi too!!
Chickie & Pete's- Bomb Fries with special seasoning....too good! 5.13.11
Oybryckys- First experience with actual whole crabs...not too bad! 6.11.11
Cafe Estelle- Great Breakfast and Brunch in Northern Liberties...a cute section of Philly 7.17.11
55. Take a cooking class
56. Eat 10 things I've never tried before
-Sweet Potato Pancakes
-Lobster Bisque
-Blue Crab
-Monkey Bread
-Philly Cheesesteak
-Jerk Chicken
-Fried Plantain
-Ox Tails
-Brie
-Green Beans fresh from the plant
-Sweet Potato Pancakes
-Lobster Bisque
-Blue Crab
-Monkey Bread
-Philly Cheesesteak
-Jerk Chicken
-Fried Plantain
-Ox Tails
-Brie
-Green Beans fresh from the plant
57. Attend a wine tasting
58. Make pasta from scratch
Life
59. Stop all use of swear words and foul language
60. Create a dream journal
61.
(Group Business calls every tuesday!)
62.
(Done Florida w/ BBB! 8.12.13!)
63. Write 8 Chapters of my own book
64. Create 57 YouTube v-logs
65. Call my grandmothers once a week
66.
(Done! 8.19.11 With some of my favorite women! Gotta go again!)
67.
68. Buy property
69. Send out personalized Christmas Cards
70. Write personal handwritten Thank You Notes whenever appropriate
71. Maintain a dream journal for one year
72. Keep a my day in 6 words journal for one year
73. Take one picture of something or someone in my life everyday
74. Watch the sun rise and sun set on the same day
75. Post on my blog once a week
76. Buy a digital picture frame
77. Put fresh flowers in my home at least once a month
78. Organize my closet
79. Visit Paris
80. Get my passport (Got it for my trip to the DR!)
81. Buy a new macbook and give the old one to my mom (Done January 2012)
82. Get a professional Massage and Facial (Got the massage for my B-Day 2.9.13 now I just need the facial!)
83. Fly first class somewhere (Done Punta Cana to Atlanta 1.2.13)
84. Sew my own pillows and drapes
85. Complete the 26 things photo shoot
86. Order personalized stationary (Erincondrin.com love it!)
87. Create an emergency kit of important documents and keepsakes that can be grabbed quickly
Career
88. Create 3 products for my beauty line
89. Take steps to legitimize Beauty and the Chic as a real company
90. Get my own business cards
91. Make my company website
For Others
92. Send 10 just because gifts
93. Complete 500 hours of community service
94. Donate on Kiva.com
95. Help fund a project on Donorschoose.com
96.
97. Discard/Donate 25% of my clothes
98. Compile a list of important family and friends birthdays (Done 1.1.11)
99. Mail birthday cards to family and friends
100. Review/update this list once a month
101. Make a new list when this one is finished
Here we go...
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I Don't Understand Men...and the Choices Some Make So I Have Questions
These are just some questions that I have. I would truly appreciate an answer.
1. If you're "happy" with your relationship, why would you make a choice that would make your girl unhappy?
2. Is it too much to say how you feel?
3. If you appreciate who you're with, why not show it?
4. If you feel like you could do so much better, why not stop talking about it and be about it?
5. If you're in a relationship, why cheat?
6. Why lie? even about small stuff?
7. Omitting the truth is lying, no?
8. Is commitment that scary?
9. Are you intimidated by intellect?
That's all for now, but I know my list will grow.
1. If you're "happy" with your relationship, why would you make a choice that would make your girl unhappy?
2. Is it too much to say how you feel?
3. If you appreciate who you're with, why not show it?
4. If you feel like you could do so much better, why not stop talking about it and be about it?
5. If you're in a relationship, why cheat?
6. Why lie? even about small stuff?
7. Omitting the truth is lying, no?
8. Is commitment that scary?
9. Are you intimidated by intellect?
That's all for now, but I know my list will grow.
The Fine Line Between Selfless and Stupid
In a relationship, we are taught that we should be selfless. We are told that we should put the other person's needs above our own, but how true could this be? Selflessness is defined as having, exhibiting, or motivated by no concern for oneself; unselfish. I understand the unselfish part; the relationship is not one-sided. It can't always be about me, but I am a firm believer in the idea that no one will treat you better than you treat yourself. So if I am not motivated by or have no concern for myself, won't other people be so inclined to do the same, especially those who have not bought into this selflessness idea? When you're in love, you seek to support, uplift, and upgrade the one that you're with (or at least I do) and AT TIMES selflessness is necessary. A lot of the time to cross the fine line between selfless and stupid and our relationship choices our inability to Let me provide a few examples.
You give and give and give (emotionally and physically) and your boyfriend or girlfriend never seem to give anything back to you: STUPID
You are always the one to make a sacrifice and your significant other always has an excuse about why they can't: STUPID
You know you would do anything for the one you're with, but somehow you're not quite sure that they feel the same way: STUPID
Selflessness can sometimes get you assed out and misused so I would say this, err on the side of caution. Don't be afraid to show who you are and give freely of yourself, but you can never loose sight of who you are for the happiness of someone else. If you are not met with the same 100% that you're giving, that's a recipe for disaster. The bible talks about mates being "equally yoked" and this also rings true with way we give in relationships. One partner cannot be expected to always be there if there is no expectation of reciprocity.
Just some thoughts. How I'm feeling at the time.
You give and give and give (emotionally and physically) and your boyfriend or girlfriend never seem to give anything back to you: STUPID
You are always the one to make a sacrifice and your significant other always has an excuse about why they can't: STUPID
You know you would do anything for the one you're with, but somehow you're not quite sure that they feel the same way: STUPID
Selflessness can sometimes get you assed out and misused so I would say this, err on the side of caution. Don't be afraid to show who you are and give freely of yourself, but you can never loose sight of who you are for the happiness of someone else. If you are not met with the same 100% that you're giving, that's a recipe for disaster. The bible talks about mates being "equally yoked" and this also rings true with way we give in relationships. One partner cannot be expected to always be there if there is no expectation of reciprocity.
Just some thoughts. How I'm feeling at the time.
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