Sunday, September 23, 2012

Back to Me

I'm not who I used to be.  Being in a constant state of unhappiness makes it so that you can't appreciate all the blessings that are apart of your life.  I think I was in that place for so long I had become blinded to how great God was and how much he was doing for me.  At some point I stopped caring about it all.  No one to impress.  Not even caring to impress myself.  I let my happenings destroy my happiness.  I have been going through the motions of life, making stupid decisions, and not living at all.  Just existing.  A shell of my former self and 30 pounds heavier.  I had no will or desire to be a better me.

But I have found that again.  Over the past two weeks I  found my will to fight and I have recommitted myself to my own physical and mental health, happiness, and well-being.  These have been a tough two weeks and I know the third will be even more difficult.  It takes 21 days to form a habit and I'm at day 15.  This time is different.  I want it for ME this time.  Not for someone else or not because society thinks that I should.  My workout routine is in full swing, and so is my WW but I still have to keep winning in the kitchen.  My biggest battle is always food.  Over this past two years I have used it as crutch or a coping mechanism, but thats over now.  Starting with my Jillian Michaels Detox.  Its serious this time.

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