Ohhh Ohhh Trust Issues

Drake said it best.  I always seem to like songs better when they are reflective of an element of my reality.  So yeah I have trust issues. I lost the ability to trust in relationships along time ago, and since then I've worked everyday to feel that confidence. Belief.  Hope.  I just don't know how to get it back.  It just seems like every time some of my emotional novicane starts to wear off or some of the ice thats encapsiling my heart starts to melt, something happens.  I know the feeling all too well.  I can sense it.  I can smell it.  I hits me and instantly I know something isn't right.  I get this feeling and this instinct to prove that intuition wrong.  But it never ends that way.  I've never been wrong, and every time I feel like a giant has kicked me in the stomach with a steel-toe boot.  So how am I supposed to trust? How am I supposed to believe when the future seems bleak.  I forgive but I never forget and apart of each hurt lives on inside of me.  It gets heavy.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going to buckle under the weight, but I keep holding on with the hopes that one day something will change.