Sunday, October 10, 2010

Where Do Broken Hearts Go Redux...

On January 16, 2008 I wrote this...


Quite a few years ago Whitney Houston raised a question that has plagued me for sometime now; where do broken hearts go? I know for a fact that they certainly do not melt away. They are not magically made whole again by another relationship or becoming the object of another's affection. They are not mended with love songs and Ben & Jerry's. And most importantly they cannot be repaired with the manifestation of emotion through sex. Believe me, I speak from experience. Having tried all of the above to no avail. Its like putting a band-aid on a gun shot. These remedies that society, our friends, and our peers tell us that should cure whatever love ailment we have are lies. Blatant and misleading, they are superficial antidotes that really do nothing but leave us living in self-doubt and a relentless pity. We choose to believe a broken heart is like a puzzle that can be simply and perfectly placed back together when it is more like a torn ACL, that takes ages to heal and is never quite as good before. Once it is broken, ones heart is never quite the same. You can never feel as much, never give as much: point blank you will never love the same. Its a difficult concept to grasp, especially while in the crux of the situation. Emotional and subjective a broken heart can be the worst type of pain and one that no pain killer can alleviate. While this may seem clouded with doom and personal recollection, I do have a point; while having your heart broken is painful and lingering, each day it hurts a little less, and the pain becomes manageable. I will not lie and say it goes away because honestly I do not believe that it ever completely does, but it will lessen. But you will relapse. You will hear that song (or songs in my case--a whole iTunes playlist worth) that remind you of him or her. You will pass that movie theater where you went on your first date. You will remember the exact booth you sat in at your first dinner together. You will smell a scent that takes you directly back to the moment when you laid together in perfect peace feeling like you were the only two people in the world. You will remember the touch that sent chills through your body. You will reminisce. You will think of what could have been, what should have been, and you will hold on to the fleeting desire of what still could be. Sadness is inevitable. Remorse is customary. But we must lean into this discomfort and fight through the low moments because they are necessary evils. Sufrir es crecer meaning to suffer is to grow. There is a purpose in the pain. So where do broken hearts go? Honestly, no where. They remain with us forever, and they carry important life lessons that make us stronger and able to withstand much. Just know they never go away: with time what was unbearable becomes more acquiescent.


Today I revisited this idea of the broken heart.  This blog post came from a place of hurt, pain, and suffering but I come today bearing something so necessary: hope.  Almost three years removed I can look back on these times and still tap into that emotion.  A conversation with a very close friend made everything clear; the growth, some regression, and the feeling that reminds you that no matter what, that one individual still holds a place in your heart.  I wrote, "Sufrir es crecer," and I have suffered and grown.  

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