I can't believe I went the entire month of February without a single post. This past month was a trying one but again I have returned with new lessons and as a stronger person. I spoke to my grandmother awhile back about why things seem to all go wrong at once. She brought up the concept of a breakthrough. Growing up in the church, I always heard people talking about God preparing individuals for something great. My grandmother talked about things becoming difficult and facing challenges as preparation for something so much bigger than myself. I didn't know how to feel at first. I think the difficulties faced started to created this bitter hatred inside of me. That brought about feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, and disdain towards those who, I can now see, were placed in my life to do good and to change me. I have been in a low place. I surrounded myself with negativity which only fueled my downward spiral. I lost the sense of who I was. It took a powerful word, The Posture of Expectation, and a joyous occasion with old and new friends for me to really get back to me. To life. To love. And although somethings still seem to be going wrong, I know that I am on the verge of my breakthrough. I'm at the point were God can really make me and mold me into what I should be, and he has shown me a glimpse of the great things he has in store for my life.
It was about humility. I had to humble myself and be humbled by my experiences and those around me so that I could be lifted to new levels. Humility is a a lesson I have continued to be taught (especially in Fall 08/Spring 09). And I'm still learning. Except now I am really changing. I can feel it. I can see it. I can even taste it. I want to be better for myself and for all those around me that God would have me come in contact with. I have a purpose, and learning humility will only push me closer to my breakthrough. Please don't get it confused, life is still a struggle but I can now recognize that God has a purpose in all of my struggles. Everything happens for a reason, and I know that in my case there is a BIG reason coming soon. I just have to do all I can to make sure that I'm ready!