What Women Want

When I was younger I used to blog a lot about relationships.  To be honest...I didn't know shit about a relationship.  As a teenager I had this fantasy in my head that everything would work out perfectly.   Boy meets girl.  Boy really likes her.  Ya'll know the rest.  Now that I have a few years at this under my belt I think I can sum up what women want.  A lot of women can't give name to it because they are immature or are so focused on the other meaningless things--money, status, what other people think-- that negate the true desire.  The thing that would fundamentally change the course of a romantic relationship.

Women want to be VALUED.

They want to know that you know that they bring something special to the table.  They want to know that they are different from everyone else.  And while she may know...she NEEDS to hear it from you.  Feeling devalued is an attack on one's self-worth and importance and no matter how confident, independent, and self-sufficient she may be she still wants to know the value she brings to YOU.  Why does she matter? Why her and not anyone else?  If she's fly, she probably already knows that no one else compares but she wants to know that you see this too.  You are not telling her something she does no know, you are just confirming the fact that you both already know to be true.

By design, women are ride-or-die creatures.  We want to stick with you and we are no stranger to challenges or adversity, but its difficult to remain strong and confident through it all, especially in our world of twitter hoes and instagram porn stars who look like Rosa Acosta, work a pole like Maliah, and are trying to bag via direct message.

So validate her.  Make her feel as wanted and as important you think she is.  Even thought she may know it already, it makes all the difference in the world to hear it from you.  Don't get tired of letting her know.
You may feel redundant or repetitive, but don't ever let her forget you see her worth and don't ever let her doubt that you believe she stands out from all the ratchets out there.  It can never to hurt to make it clear to your girl that you appreciate and desire what she is and what she brings. If you can't or if you chose not to, I promise someone else will, gladly.  It does not seem like much, but it truly makes all the difference.

The Fine Line Between Selfless and Stupid

In a relationship, we are taught that we should be selfless.  We are told that we should put the other person's needs above our own, but how true could this be?  Selflessness is defined as having, exhibiting, or motivated by no concern for oneself; unselfish.  I understand the unselfish part; the relationship is not one-sided.  It can't always be about me, but I am a firm believer in the idea that no one will treat you better than you treat yourself.  So if I am not motivated by or have no concern for myself, won't other people be so inclined to do the same, especially those who have not bought into this selflessness idea?  When you're in love, you seek to support, uplift, and upgrade the one that you're with (or at least I do) and AT TIMES selflessness is necessary.  A lot of the time to cross the fine line between selfless and stupid and our relationship choices our inability to  Let me provide a few examples.


You give and give and give (emotionally and physically) and your boyfriend or girlfriend never seem to give anything back to you: STUPID


You are always the one to make a sacrifice and your significant other always has an excuse about why they can't: STUPID


You know you would do anything for the one you're with, but somehow you're not quite sure that they feel the same way: STUPID


Selflessness can sometimes get you assed out and misused so I would say this, err on the side of caution.  Don't be afraid to show who you are and give freely of yourself, but you can never loose sight of who you are for the happiness of someone else.  If you are not met with the same 100% that you're giving, that's a recipe for disaster.  The bible talks about mates being "equally yoked" and this also rings true with way we give in relationships.  One partner cannot be expected to always be there if there is no expectation of reciprocity.  


Just some thoughts.  How I'm feeling at the time.