I Was Deep...Where Did This Girl Go?

Shaterra Lee

December 1, 2007

Abyss

In the dark mistakes live and linger.

They thrive, survive, and refuse to pass away.

Creeping up slowly we can’t help but recall

all the choices we would rethink;

the insurmountable changes that would have made all the difference.

It is here that all that was hazy is made vibrant.

Illuminated by the stillness, the dark is, too, vibrant

allowing those thoughts we push away to linger.

No matter how much we fight, nothing brings about difference.

So toil and struggle, but it won’t go away.

Instead, choose ignorance as bliss so you won’t have to rethink,

you won’t feel, you won’t breathe, you won’t recall

The desire is to forget and never recall

the messes we’ve made: their memories rich and vibrant.

You want to move forward but before you must rethink

Live in the pain, lean to discomfort, and allow it to linger.

The longer it stays the stronger you become, so let time waste away,

and the more you live the more regret dies; you will know the difference.

But before they vanish, store the lessons, the memories, the difference

so that later you can always recall

necessary evils.  They will serve as your compass to help weed away

and avoid those things that once caused pain, stole what was vibrant

robbed innocence, plagued your psyche, and in your heart did linger.

Believing they aren’t pertinent is a thought one should rethink.

Now I must rethink

how I have allowed my past to haunt my present and evoke difference

in my future.  How I have refused to learn while allowing mistakes to linger.

My inherent flaws and my weak, malleable heart that forgets no person and not an emotion it doesn’t recall.

The choices that robbed, like a thief stealing what was vibrant,

reduced self-esteem, distanced me from my purpose, and drove focus away.

So here in the dark I waste away.

These haunting decisions I rethink.

Internally striving toward an existence clear and vibrant

A life that illuminates to make a difference,

but I’m in holding wanting to press into my future. The past I still recall.

The inseverable connection between the two is now apart of me, so here I linger.