Excuse Me While I Speak My Mind...

I feel like I'm the only person reading this.  If I'm not please excuse me while I speak my mind for just a moment.  To protect people, places, and things this will only be sentences that describe situations.  It's so cold in the D was a funny song, but it should have been named it's so cold in the B and there is nothing funny about that.  It's cold and I don't mean the weather.  Maybe it's because I know my position is temporary, but for some reason I can't bring myself to call this place home.  It's like I'm in holding.  I can't go forward.  I can't move back.  Just in frozen.  Locked in a place that does not reflect my wants, my needs, or my goals.  I know I'm blessed to wake up everyday.  I don't take it for granted.  God is truly good, but it's then getting out of bed part that's hard.  It's feeling hopeless and helpless and feeling like the future is bleak.  I've lost my perspective.  I used to be this girl with a plan; I knew where I wanted to go and I could see the steps I would take to get there.  Now I'm just a wanderer hoping to make it from day to day.  What I want for myself no longer seems to matter now that I've signed a contract to "give back."  Honestly, I never considered myself much of a giver, but I did give.  Maybe I felt like I had something to prove of maybe I just was scared to chase what I really wanted, but for some reason I'm here.  Seeking to give.  But I didn't really stop and think all it would take from me.  Who I would become in the process.  I really don't know if I like this person.  I don't know how I feel about this person.  I don't know how I feel about this place.  Physically, mentally, or emotionally.  But here are somethings I do know.  I'm tired of compromising.  I'm sick of discussions and meetings of the mind.  I'm so over talking and discussing.  I just want silence and peace of mind.  I feel like I lost that somewhere along the way.  I'm not me, or maybe this is who I was always meant to be but I don't like it. I'm tired of people challenging my authority and my intelligence.  I've had about enough of grown people with horrible grammar and attitudes that are even worse.  People that know better but don't really care to do better.  Another thing is all those who can tell you how to do but they never did it.  Get serious  about life.  I have to rid myself of some people, places, and things but I just don't know how or when...